Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize