I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
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apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
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I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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