She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
