Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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