I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
