wakey wakey hands off snakey
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
