Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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