With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
