I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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