I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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