So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
