i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
