I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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