So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just want nice things and good sex
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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