So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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