Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
