You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
