mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
