you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
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