if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
