And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
