I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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