sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
