Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Randomize
