Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
