hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
