listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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