I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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