There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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