If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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