she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
A bitchslap is in order.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize