3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
