she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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