I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
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She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
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i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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