I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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