She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
