Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
false alarm. still invincible.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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