You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
