help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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