If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
