I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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