I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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