Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
