you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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