I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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