sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
