I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize