Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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