WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
