Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
