So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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