I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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