dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
