Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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