i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Houston, we have a blender
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
