how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
a search helicopter?!
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
