the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
