Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
