So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I wish there were birth control emojis
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
