No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
