I wish my penis had an off switch
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
love makes seman taste better
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
