he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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