Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
