he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
