i wish peter jackson would direct porn
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
