I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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