So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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