Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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